Assuming the very idea of me referring to Kristen Stewart as a terror hottie doesn’t cause me to burst into flames, you should know that she, along with the rest of the cast of the second-rate vampire epic New Moon, will be hitting various malls as part of a promotional tour starting early November.
They’ll cruise around the country, seeing and being seen, offering activities, prize giveaways, and a question and answer segment in which approximately fourteen hojillion tweenage girls will ask if Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are really getting married.
Well, that’s an interesting development–seems that the folks working on Scream 4 are planning to go 3-D.
As we know, most everyone’s back on board for Scream 4, including Neve Campbell (who for the longest time had been vacillating like a congressman before she finally decided to throw in), Anna Lynn McCord and Courtney Cox. Interestingly, this film is actually slated to take place fully ten years after Scream 3 ended, possibly launching its own new trilogy. Deputy Dewey got himself bumped up a pay grade when he married Gale Weathers, and is now Sheriff Dewey, with his own small child in tow.
We’ve talked about 25/8, the upcoming title from Wes “Nerve Gas” Craven, more than a few times before. Mostly, we talk about this one because despite its less than stellar pedigree, it’s got a whole slew of terror hotties involved in its construction, including Zena Grey, Nicole Patrick, Emily Meade and plenty of others.
Well, some fresh news has emerged about the title, including most notably of all that the title has changed.
Guess the folks out at the production of Mother’s Day, featuring terror hottie Jaime King. Bousman’s production got a bit too rambunctious, and a Winnipeg local noticed one of the scenes filming in front of him featuring a blood-coated actor brandishing a gun.
Naturally, said local then called the local constabulary, who rushed to the scene and quickly ascertained that this was in fact a movie shoot. A good laugh was reportedly had by all and no one was hurt, arrested, or shot with a taser.
Well, here’s some interesting news–the folks out at Grinder, including terror hottie Nikki Griffin, have announced that they’ve been acquired by Seven Arts Pictures.
No one’s exactly sure just where Grinder IS in its pre-production stages. It may well be in mid-production by now, or even slouching toward post by now. But one thing’s clear–Seven Arts’ involvement in the production assures that it is, in fact, going forward again.
Featuring terror hottie Emma Lung, Crave is a movie that might manage to do some damage at the video stores if anyone can get behind it.
And what Crave will bring us to get behind is the story of a photographer whose life has not been going real well lately. And things only get worse when he starts having hallucinations following getting dumped by his girlfriend and a detective is on his tail round the clock.
Now I’m just astonished, folks. I’ve seen a whole lot of bizarre and horrendous things in my time, but this may well be one of the plain old weirdest. Kristen Stewart shows up in this ad briefly, and when you see it, you probably still won’t believe it.
It’s currently on YouTube if you want to take a look at it, because it might be one of the most ludicrous advertisements you’ve seen in a good long while. It’s for Sobe Vitamin Water, and it features footage from New Moon.
The punchline is, of course, that I’m totally serious. This actually exists and they’re really hawking Vitamin Water with bits of Twilight.
And no, I’m not talking about Resident Evil: Afterlife, either. She’s in that one, she’s in the upcoming The Fourth Kind, and now, she’s coming out for Faces In The Crowd.
Get this–Faces in the Crowd is all about a woman who almost gets killed by a serial killer. Almost, I said. But she didn’t get out unscathed. She took a blow to the head that left her “face-blind”, or no longer able to recognize faces. Thus, every time she sees a person’s face, it’s as though she sees it for the first time. This of course leaves her unable to recognize her killer, and of course, that also leaves her vulnerable for when her killer comes back to take out this lone witness.
One, I was actually kind of surprised to hear that lad mag extraordinaire FHM was actually still publishing. Two, no less than Amber Heard is actually making an appearance in it this month. Amber Heard is becoming a fairly new but fully qualified terror hottie, and I’ll tell you this much, her photos are looking pretty good.
In case you’re wondering where you’ve heard that name before, she was just spotted in the recent remake of The Stepfather, and she’ll also be showing up in John Carpenter’s triumphant return to horror (it’s been a while, let’s be honest), The Ward.
I know, Ridley Scott’s a guy. So what am I doing talking about him on Terror Hotties? Well, it’s actually pretty simple. See, he’s talking about an ALIEN PREQUEL. And that’s got a really, REALLY, good chance of involving Sigourney Weaver. The thought of that is enough to really get me.
Now, no one’s sure what exactly it’ll be about. The only thing Scott’s been able to confirm is that a script is in fact being written for it. This by itself is a slice of fried awesome in and of itself, even though I’m personally hoping for a little background on that crashed alien ship back on LV 426 or whatever the planet’s name was.
Okay, I don’t know who’s running the Scream Awards, but for crying out loud. Giving Megan Fox a Best Actress award…that’s just not right. Megan Fox isn’t an actress! She’s a SET PIECE! Seriously, what did she do for the Transformers series besides provide yet another lure for the target market? She sure didn’t ACT! I don’t even know what you call what she did but it definitely wasn’t acting.
When you consider that both Eliza Duskhu and Lena Headey were available, both prime terror hotties each, to hand over the Scream Award to a quasi-functional mannequin like Megan Fox is either a joke or an insult. Maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s an insulting joke in the style of Michael Richards’ infamous stand up comedy night.
You might not think of the brilliant and at the same time white hot Anna Faris as a terror hottie, but as the centerpiece of every Scary Movie installment to date it’s not such a stretch. Anyway, that terror hottie laden franchise (if you start adding up the cameos you get a HUGE number of terror hotties) is looking to come back with–get this!–both a sequel and a remake.
Going into almost concurrent development is Scary Movie 5, and a remake of the original Scary Movie. Now, some might say that the original Scary Movie really isn’t that old, and they’d be right. But in these days of rampant Hollywood desperation, it’s not surprising to find them pushing to milk any cash cow they can get their hands on.
Kentucky’s Fright Night Film Festival has recently announced the Best of the Fest award winner, and the lucky title is Sea of Dust from horror master Tom Savini and terror hottie Ingrid Pitt.
Described as a “satirical title” of “an otherworldly evil that threatens to possess humanity” and a “bizarre tribute to the European horror cinema of the 1960s”, Sea of Dust has taken its share of awards so fare, and was Fright Night’s keystone Friday night projection. It has also taken a Best Picture Grand Prize from RIIFF, the Rhode Island International Film Festival.
Nikki Taylor Melton, Janette Benton, Danielle Block, Victoria Vukovic Bradley, Heather Chilson and Melissa Chirello-Wood are the absolutely mind-bogglingly large list of terror hotties behind Marc Selz’s upcoming Satanic Panic, a movie that carries the standard red flag warning that is “inspired by a true story” status.
When ten year old twins Toby and Cindy Richards were abducted by satanic cult members in 1980–as was every parent’s fear back in the eighties–Cindy manages to escape, but Toby remains missing to this very day. But twenty five years later, as a group of canoeing friends run afoul of the same satanic cult that stole Toby, they’ve got the fight of their lives on their hands as they try to escape a small town full of horrors and satanic cultists.
Despite what you may think, Boggy Creek is not really a remake of the 1971 film The Legend of Boggy Creek. Involving terror hotties Melissa Carnell and Stephanie Honore, this is actually described as “a thriller that centers around a story of five young kids who get caught out in a swamp in Boggy Creek, Texas”. From there, they end up taking on a massive shaggy monstrousity that lives in the swampy ground around Boggy Creek which is apparently almost but not quite exactly the same thing as a Bigfoot / sasquatch / monster from 1971’s The Legend of Boggy Creek.
Well, as far as I’m concerned, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then you’d better check the thing for feathers and a waterproof ass because chances are, you’ve got a duck. You don’t just make a movie about the same thing as someone else and expect people to NOT call it a remake, or a reimagining or whatever the hell re-word you want to attach to it.