Now…I’ve heard some real winners in my day, but Regent Releasing has delivered unto me a wonder the likes of which I can hardly conceive. Basically, they’re planning to put—in theatres no less!—the movie Cthulhu, starring newfound terror hottie Tori Spelling.
I’m going to give you all a moment to read that last sentence again and again until you can read it without screaming.
Feel better now? Yeah, I figured. This will, apparently, release August 22nd in theatres according to both Yahoo! Movies and the IMDB. Thankfully, it looks to only have a limited release, so you can count on this sucker not stinking up your local theatre because only the truly desperate will carry it. No, really, come on—whose brain-damaged idea was this? Just what we all needed, yet another giant steaming dump taken on H.P. Lovecraft’s life and career, because no one (with the huge exception of Jeffrey Combs) can actually do Lovecraft RIGHT for some reason. Seriously, what the hell? Tori Spelling in a horror movie is weird enough but in an H.P. Lovecraft movie? I can’t even begin to imagine how bad this one will be.
I hope I’m wrong…I REALLY hope I’m wrong for Lovecraft’s sake…but I can’t imagine how I could be.