TERROR HOTTIES

Jennifer Connelly Destroys Society

(Jennifer Connelly)

You know…I’ve always had a thing for dystopian fare. Something about seeing society go all to hell that just feels so sadly likely. Oh, sure…if governments collapsed and lawlessness ruled the land chances are I’d get killed by a roaming gang of bikers my first couple days in, but it’s still kind of interesting to watch, if for no other reason than to see what may be in store. I’m hoping we get as far as Fallout 3, because I like the idea of roaming the wasteland with a laser rifle.

Less QQ more pew-pew, baby!

And Jennifer Connelly is going to take a whack at the post-apocalyptia herself with 9, coming out sometime next year.

Sadly, there’s not a whole lot of other data out on this one yet—interestingly enough, it IS a cartoon—and we do know it’ll be out September 9th, but apparently they’re keeping the rest of it close to the vest. Frankly, I don’t care. They had me at “post-Apocalyptic”.

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So What Would You Save?

So upcoming Jennifer Connelly semihorror flick The Day The Earth Stood Still (yet ANOTHER remake–nice one, Hollywood; it’s just so damn rare to see you guys make something that’s ALREADY BEEN DONE!!) is asking an interesting question with its promotional material–what would you save?

This is one of those strange occasions when the promotional material is actually more interesting than the movie itself.  I never fail to be freaked out by those occasions, especially when I start asking myself what I’d wind up saving.  Have you ever stopped and considered that?  What would you save if you could only save three things from the demolition of the planet?  Four?  Five?

It’s an unsettlingly deep question, especially when you start separating things down to the three things (or even four or five) that you would save from complete obliteration at the hands of aliens.

Think it over, and maybe by the time the movie comes out this weekend, you’ll have a list ready!

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Quarantine Has a Game Now!

There is still good reason to be excited for October 10th, everybody.  Quarantine, the remake of the Spanish hit REC will be out in theatres, and it will feature brilliant terror hottie Jennifer Connelly, who gave us all the galloping creepsies with her spectacularly elastic performance in The Exorcism of Emily Rose.

But October 10th is still a long ways off, so what do we do until then?  Easy—we get an advance look at the movie through the web game, a point-and-click shooter that controls like crap but is guaranteed to make you jump out of your seat.  If for no other reason than to throw your monitor across the room because you just spent five bullets trying to shoot one infected character that’s, relative to you, about six inches in front of you.

Leaving aside the fact that you shoot like you graduated from the Spooky Mulder School of Firearms Training (motto: We’d miss dirt if our guns were pointed down, we’re that bad.), the game itself will feature lots and lots of infected folks jumping out at you from lots of darkened corners.

Frankly, if the movie has half as many shocks as the game it’ll be well worth watching.

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The Day the Earth Stood Still Again

Klaatu…barada….n…necktie?  Nickle?  I know it was an “N” word…oh yeah, Nicto!

There’s a reason I’m ripping off Army of Darkness on this one, folks, and it’s largely because a remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still is on its merry way to theatres (I even saw the trailer during the previews on Hancock, which also was not half bad but I’m digressing).

Anyway, this version of The Day The Earth Stood Still will feature terror hottie Jennifer Connelly and Keanu Reeves as a vaguely humanoid alien who visits Earth with his killer robot to give us all a dire warning—evil aliens are coming to kill us all.  Aside from the fact that “vaguely humanoid” is a PERFECT role for Keanu, and having Jennifer Connelly as a terror hottie is a fantastic notion, based on the trailer I’ve seen I have my doubts on just how this will go.  We’ll have to wait a little while to see, but it’s on its way.

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You’d Never Guess The Chick From Beautiful Mind Was Once A Terror Hottie

It’s hard to believe, but Anchor Bay seems to have found another good salvage title with Dario Argento’s Phenomenon. Featuring surprising terror hottie Jennifer Connelly in one of her earliest roles, she stars as an outcast student at a Swiss boarding school. But before you start feeling too badly for Jennifer, she’s just discovered that she’s got the telepathic power to control insects.

Oh, and she’s also just stumbled on a bloody trail of a razor-wielding psychopath stalking the school’s grounds. Now it’s up to Bug Girl and a kindly professor to put the gift of bug mind control to work and stop the psychopath’s rampages once and for all.

Which is pretty much Dario Argento’s career in a nutshell. Not bad, but frankly, it’s been done and better elsewhere. Come on–bug mind control. Seriously. Sounds like one of the lesser mutant powers from X-Men, right alongside Kitty Pryde and her ludicrous “phasing” ability and Jubilee’s ridiculous fireworks.

But still–Anchor Bay treats its relics right, so look forward to a well-preserved look at some eighties horror featuring a young terror hottie in the making.

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