Chances are you don’t remember Melissa Joan Hart’s career. Chances are you’re wondering if Melissa Joan Hart actually HAD a career. Well, aside from Clarissa Explains It All, Drive Me Crazy, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch, she really didn’t have much of a career at all. So why am I wasting valuable bandwidth talking about her? Easy—she’s joined the ranks of terror hottie and done it in high style along with the camera and electrical guy from Cloverfield in his directorial debut in Nine Dead People.
And what a movie this looks to be—nine people, apparently randomly picked—find themselves in the middle of a basement that’s seen some serious remodeling. Like Fort Knox-style remodeling—from the sounds of it this basement would make chronic paranoid Annie Wilkes from Stephen King’s Misery feel safe. The nine, chained to posts, are confronted by a man with a gun and told to figure out why they are in the basement, or face certain death from the gun he’s carrying around. Someone new is killed every ten minutes, if the synopsis I found is accurate, and chances are there will only be one survivor, if any at all.
This isn’t the kind of movie we get every day, o my readership—thus, I’m definitely looking forward to it by a wide margin. Oh, sure…there are down sides. I’m not confident that Melissa Joan Hart could carry a part in a bucket, and the camera and electrical guy from Cloverfield is stretching things a smidgen to call himself a viable director. And there’s serious potential that we’re looking at what will be at the very least a Saw rip-off if not a full-blown Texas Chainsaw Knockoff, depending of course on how it all works out. But still, I’m eagerly awaiting the chance to find out.